Facing Judgement as a Parent

If you are a parent, you are bound to face judgement.  Judgement from a lot of people.  You’ll need a thick skin.  There are many people, perhaps well meaning, that criticize.

Examples of People Passing Judgement:

Probably the guiltiest culprits of being condemning of parenting styles are your own parents, and grandparents.  There have been T.V. episodes about this.  The new Rosanne aired an episode where Rosanne was being overly critical of her daughters Darlene’s parenting style.  The issue of spanking came up, and that is always controversial.  Whatever you choose, be confident and know you’ll have to stick up for your decision either way. I have seen my Sister in Law’s parents judge her parenting style.  She handled with grace, finding articles that supported her ideas of parenting on the internet.  I have been a victim of judgement myself, not just through my parents, but from the neighbors.  I have an Autistic daughter and her behavior can get wild.  CPS was brought in, and I was told by the social worker that I was doing everything just right and that this was a common occurrence.  So when you feel someone is censuring you, know that you are not alone.

What You Can Be Judged On:

As you have seen, parents and neighbors criticize parents; but you might also have to defend your self to even more people.  Other kids assess what you do as well.  You can probably remember being a kid yourself and thinking “your parents do that?  That’s so strict” or “That’s so awesome.”  There are many things that people are opinionated on.  Discipline Style is probably the biggest issue people have with parents.  There are many more things people are judged on too.  Things like: what you feed your child, bedtime rules, chore requirements, allowance, how you dress your child, and the grooming of your child.  Sometimes instead of criticizing you people will praise you like the kid that thought “That’s so awesome.”  Judgement can be a positive thing too.  Take those praises and be proud of them, that is what will keep you going when someone says something nasty.  Pretty much everyone, even the childless, passes judgement; so know to expect it.

What You Can Do to Stay Strong

We have covered some things that will help you keep a thick skin already.  One is realizing you are not alone, one is finding supportive messages in the media and internet, (some are bound to have the same opinions as you).  We’ve also mentioned that you will receive praise and it’s important to hold on to that.  You also probably have pride in your child, hold on to that and realize that these good things about your child mean that you are doing a good job.  You may be new to parenting and you may have been doing it awhile, either way your views are valid no matter what anyone tells you.  Give yourself praise.  Sometimes all you can do when someone criticizes you is to ignore them and take a breath.  I have ignored my parents in some of their opinions in how I raise may daughter, and I feel no shame that I did.  You probably have nothing to be ashamed about either, no matter what anyone says.  Do the best you can.

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